I was thinking back on the last two months, trying to put it into perspective. I left Nebraska, if I’m honest with myself because I wanted to get away from decades of bad memories…all associated with marriages. Before my kids get mad at me for forgetting about them, I need to say there have been many beautiful memories in my life as well, most of which have all been about them. The rest of my family, and my friends, too. And my work.
I am truly a blessed woman to have the two wonderful children I have. I love them more than I can say. It makes them uncomfortable to hear it sometimes, but there it is. The events of my life, as well as their very special qualities, have put them on top of my love heap.
There’s something else about the trip, though. It was more than just running from heartache that made me leave. It was an aching desire to see other places. As I travel from place to place, stopping some places to get to know them well, I feel as though I am hungrily consuming a spiritual food. I can’t see enough new places, meet enough new people, experience enough thrilling, peaceful, curious, uplifting, testing moments.
As I traveleled through the south to reach Florida, then along the Gulf Coast, and now to Houston where I’m getting to know my brother again, I feel as though I’m finally getting my head around the world and the way it works. I’m also finding a way to put my arms around the world in a way I never have been able to before.
In other words, I am opening up to the world. I find I am less afraid. I am less worried. I am less puzzled by people. I’m less of a perfectionist, because I feel perfection in the mosaic of life in different places. I find I’m more in love with the world than ever. It might make you uncomfortable to hear it, but there it is.